The specken, The spacken, He's a black-hearted kraken. He'll give you a slice, Then he'll serve you a piece, but if you're not thankful, He might chow down your niece. Pies common, pies decadent, Topped with mushrooms and cheese, And exotic fixins from far'way Belize. Vegans, you're welcome, There's breadsticks to eat. Dip 'em in sauce, or if you like, have them neat. But gluten abounds, Tread careful, sensitive folk, Munch on some 'roni, you can eat it in bulk! But come every Friday, He'll be here with glee, The celebrated doughman of Offtopic Bungie.