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Edited by Dizcostu007:
9/22/2014 7:28:15 PM
209
exclusive: cryptarch caught on camera
Ever wondered why you trade in a purple engram and end up getting a super soaker 3000? Is it random? Apparently a new video released to hive News says it is now. It claims to show the cryptarch stealing legendary items then substituting them and finally selling them on eBay intergalactic under user name crypty45. He had also been reported to be making substantial payments to tower escorts and buying faberge orbs.
A complaint was initially raised after exon the awoken traded in items and thought something was wrong "I traded in an exotic engram expecting to get a gun called the legion of doom. Instead I got a picture of the legion of boom and I'm a 49ers fan".
It is unsure though how the footage and account were obtained. Rumours of hacking have been strongly denied. The crucible have agreed to do a full investigation.
In other news Aksor the priest was broken out of jail today only to be brutally murdered by the same three guardians who released him. The fallen church have claimed attacks on priests are on the rise. More on that as it comes in.
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I knew he was up to some sketchy shit from the first moment I saw him. He's about that lifestyle.
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This explains everthing THE TRUTH HAS BEEN REVEALED
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3 RepliesHaha, this is great, I was wrongfully hopeful that ranking him up past LvL 20 that he would stop pulling my pants down whenever I turned in Blue or Purp engrams, but I think that all Lube has been removed and replaced with sandpaper
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Seriously, more people need to be this funny.
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5 RepliesI gave him a legendary engram for a helmet he gave me an exotic helmet for warlock.... But I'm a Titan:(
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This is the tower police force we are trying are best to arrest this criminal after he finishes selling us the stolen goods I mean the " found" goods Hunter thunder thighs
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Am I the only one who calls the Priest "Haksor"?
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When threatened with legal action by my solicitor (who I met in Vegas and who for some reason insists on being called [i]The Arbiter [/i]rather than a solicitor) he actually rewarded me with two legendary items, one even from a blue engram?? Furthermore, although a fictitious video game character, he can be prosecuted if he can be linked to real world criminal activity. My solicitor did a little digging into his past and discovered some disturbing trends. Consider that when we give him legendary engrams, what color stuff does he give us: BLUE; when I get an armor shader from him what color is it: BLUE? My solicitor uncovered a name change by deed poll that the Cryptarch filed before his employment at the Tower and discovered the following: he used to be called [i]The Criptarch[/i]. That is correct; he is actually the Consigliere to the Crips!!! Further evidence is the Titan mark I received from him in the above link...
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Inb4Crytarch
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5 RepliesIt would be a real shame if the Cryptarch were to slip over the railing overlooking the Traveler. Be a real shame..... Accidents happen. I hear things....
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Fantastic post!
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That son of a blam!
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Love these news stories! Keep them coming!
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Have you seen what he is wearing? Obviously he does't have a sense of style or knows how to match. That's why he keeps on giving us gear for other classes (I'm a hunter give me stuff I can use) T_T {or he may be deaf and colorblind}
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1 ReplyHow come every legendary engram I turn in, besides the unfriendly giant, gives white, green, and blue stuff
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1 ReplyI love this, make more. #towernews
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1 ReplyI totally deny the allegations. It is a set up.
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1 ReplyI turn in a legendary level 20 engrams and get an uncommon weapon that does 91 damage.
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Last I checked one guardian chickened out, must have been the Vex..... but it was just me and one other guardian. We freed the priest and well i didnt like this face, so I though back on my ancestors and things they would have done "Conclusion: I'm going to pull your head off, because I don't like your head." ―HK-47 Sorry Aksor, but I am aiming for godhood here, and you my non exo friend, are a meatbag. "Kill one meatbag, and you are a murderer. Kill millions of meatbags, and you are a conqueror. Kill them all, and you are a god." ―HK-47 I am also the one who murrdered roughly 100 fallen with one arc blade charge... I am also guilty of angering the same fallen by playing Nicky nicky nine doors on their temple...
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Now these are way more entertaining than the average post
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Made my week.
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I enjoyed this thoroughly. Thank you.
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I like the fact that even a legendary engram doesn't guarantee a legendary item, if you want the game handed to you on a silver platter go play a certain Activision MMO that i will not name, this game isn't 2 weeks old and people are already whimpering about what they are not getting, don't change a thing Bungie, love every aspect of the game.
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1 ReplyI'm rank 22 almost 23 with cryptarch, probably handed in 15-20 legendary and gotten 3 I can use for my class, 3-5 legendary/exotics total combined for warlock/Titan that I dismantled for upgrades to my gear. If I had to guess, 2-300 blues and maybe 3-5 legendary out of them. I'm level 29 and just finally got all legendary weapons, it was a hell of a grind
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Everytime I walk away from the Cryptarch my anus bleeds
